A Belated Christmas Prayer

12/25/08
As the sun rose on this Christmas morning, the most powerful energy source in our solar system, I realized something extraordinary: It was nothing compared to the light that came into the world over 2,000 years ago. With the birth of a child, darkness had been banished forever, not just a few hours a day.

"In the beginning, there was the Word
And the Word became Flesh."

Heavenly Father, Yours is the power and the glory.
You don't need anything from us - You Are.
But You gave us a gift today:
A gift of Your Love.
A gift more precious than any possession,
Any job,
Than even the family gathered here.

You gave us an infant that would save the world.
You gave us a brother, a shepherd, a king.
A Savior I personally never deserved.
A Savior that walked the earth,
That died so I can be with You....forever.

In Jesus' name I pray:
Let us humbly serve You,
Praise You continually
And love one another as commanded.
Let my feet follow Your path,
My hands do Your work,
And my voice make a joyful noise to You.
Amen.

A Request

A good friend and co-worker could use your thoughts and prayers. S and J were happily blessed 3 days ago with their first child, W. She called me today with the news they will be taking their little boy to Kings Daughter's hopital tonight. He is running a high fever and they don't know what's wrong with him. She and her husband are very distraught and could use as much love and support as possible.
Thank you for your prayers.
KDHCatt

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Update 10/24/08:
Baby boy W is home and healthy with two very happy and relieved parents. He has gained enough weight to pass his birth weight and is no longer jaundiced. Thanks for all the prayers and best wishes.

An Analogy

God fills us with forgiveness, love, mercy and grace.....imagine it as a pure white light of His love for us.

As humans it is impossible for us to transmit this "pure white light' through our flawed selves. We can only do it for brief shining moments. Because of our nature - flawed, fleshy, and sinful nature - the light breaks, like light through a prism. A rainbow of colors shining through each of us, beautiful to behold but flawed.

So instead of us showing each other forgiveness, love, mercy and grace - we are instead intolerant of each other. Judgemental of each other. Hate each other.

We take the 'pure white light' of God and push it through our opinions, emotions, biases, our racism and our intellect. We pervert it - break it apart. We decide we don't like the color blue and we don't want anyone else to like it either. Anyone showing blue or liking the color blue is wrong - our enemy - sinning - going to hell. Where is love? Where is forgiveness? Where is mercy and grace? Where is God's Word?

Shouldn't we try to live the gifts that God has given us? Even though it is humanly impossible to shine throught the perfect 'pure light' of God - shouldn't we do everything in our power to at least try? To show through our actions and deeds: forgiveness, love, grace and mercy? To know that God finds us beautiful, even in our brokenness. That He loves us beyond anything we can ever do.

I am broken. I am flawed.

I am an imperfect vessel for God's grace.

I am beautiful in His eyes.

I am weak. I sin.

I am unable to be the perfect vessel for Him.

I am beautiful in His eyes.

Jesus has been the only vessel close to God's glory on this earth - able to shine God's 'perfect pure white light' on to us. But even Jesus had weakness...He asked the Father to take the mantle off of Him. He was afraid He wasn't strong enough......He was afraid.......The human vessel was weak. And in His weakness, I love Him more. That moment brings Him closer to me than all the miracles put together.

The miracles prove His divinity. The weakness shows His humanity. His death is human. His resurrection is God.


Of course, this is just my opinion and I could be wrong.

40 DOP - Day 3

Today: Living on purpose is the path to peace.

Random Thoughts:
"Without God, life has no purpose..."
"...aimless distraction." Purpose Driven Life

What is the focus of my life? What do I spend all my energies on? These are questions 'm having difficulties answering....I'm stuck in a life of 'aimless distraction'. I use things to distraction myself from really paying attention to life. Time to stop and listen. Time for God to be my focus and what I spend my energies on.

40 DOP - Day 2

Day 2 of 40 Days of Purpose was actually yesterday, but I didn't get online last night.....so.....

Day 2: I am not an accident.

Random Thoughts:
It's good to think that everything is for a reason. That everything we go through as humans is for something bigger and greater than ourselves. It wonderful to think to yourself, "Man, I'm part of something HUGE."

Also it's nice to know God wants you just the way you are. He planned it that way. He knew long before I failed at my diet or screamed at the slow moving car in front of me....He knew. And was probably already shaking His head at me. How much luckier could I be than to know my Father still loves me.

40 Days of Purpose

Today was the beginning of NHC's and my journey with the 40 Days of Purpose. I'm very excited and look forward to the path, wherever it leads.

Today: It's not about me.

Random Thoughts:
How in this ego-centric world do you think you can convince anyone it's not ALL about them? We thrive on our accomplishments, our individuality, our possessions. We do everything for OUR own glory. I made this. I did this. Look what I did. mememememememe.....

We're like kids playing in the pool. We're laughing and splashing, having a great time....but yelling, "Mommy! Watch ME!" We want to do it on our own, but have somebody looking out for us. God created us and knows every thought we are going to ever have but......"I'll take it from here Lord."

We're idiots.

Happy Birthday

Dear Lord,
Thank you for granting me another year on this planet. As much time as I waste and squander, You always have patience with me. Please be by my side in the coming year, guiding me and leading me on a path closer to You. I pray I can continue learning Your Word and living a life that praises You. I pray that I can continue to "Be still and know...." as You ask in Psalms 46:10. Bless all those around me and walk with them always, showing Your grace and love. I only hope I can be as much of a blessing to them as they are to me. I pray that You will bless me in my mission to run the Half Marathon next year. Keep me on track and patient in training and getting healthier. I can only do this with Your help, Lord. In praise of You, Lord, Amen.

Background

Except for brief, problematic times in my life, I have always considered myself a God believer and most of time, called and considered myself a Christian. I have a Christian background. Raised by a Southern Baptist mother (lapsed) and a former Quaker, Southern Baptist father. Church attendance was not a requirement in my childhood home. It wasn't something that we elt all that strongly about. Mom was in the choir for awhile, then stopped. I was in the youth choir and even got baptized.

But all my life, I've searched for answers, only to find more questions. I've even felt God's influence and rejoiced in it. I've felt Him nudge me in one direction or another. But these moments are easily passed and forgotten soon after.

They are, until He decides it's time. Time to give KDHCatt a full taste of God's love and grace. I'm not talking about a fleeting feeling.....a breath of His presence....I'm talking a full on body slam of PRESENCE. You get me? Do you smell what The Rock is cooking? (sorry for the very bad wrestling quote) Just know that He filled my cup slam up!

I love knowledge and investigating ideas. I'm open-minded and reject single-mindedness. I respect the ideas and truths of everyone. We come to love and grace in different ways. This is what had me hung up....stopped in my tracks.....digging my heals in.....un-Christianity in Christianity. He made me look past this, find the truth behind all of that. He used the knowledge I've always craved and searched for and already had in me. He waited for my understanding to catch up with Him. I had to be quiet (tough in a family of talkers) and listen.

You see, I had been going through issues at work...things that were slowly wearing me down...wearing at my spirit...making me finally ask questions. The right questions. Questions about how as Christians, we could act so un-Christian to each other. He answered. This happened at the beginning of June and I've been basking ever since. Asking questions, learning His Word, learning to pray, being lead by Him.

Now, have no doubt, I'm still as terrible a child as ever. But the difference is I can take my problems and questions and doubts and all of it, to Him. He waited for me. Waited for this time in my life; of that, I have no doubt. I needed to be here...now...and ready for Him.....a child of God

I have no idea what His purpose is for me. I'm simply following His lead...listening for His whisper:
1 Kings 19:12
After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.
Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God.....

Over and over, I'm reading the instructions for me...how to know Him and follow Him....seeing patterns. Be still...listen. It's pretty cool. It's pretty awesome, actually. Plus, He's put me with a shift at work of believers...not 'hit you over the head with it' believers, but good people I can ask questions of. It's nothing to see one of us with the Bible or at least a spiritual book out and reading. When I had a problem understanding parts of the Prodigal Son (which is very personal for me....), all it took was talking to them to see the answer was in me all the time. I just had to shut up and listen. Stop the storm of questions in my head long enough to hear the whisper.

I've quit smoking...four months and counting. I decided I wanted to quit, I went to the doctor got a medication to help (it doesn't take away cravings or anything, just makes me easier to live with) and then set a date. I went cold turkey. I was doing great. No slip ups, nothing. This was all before my little wake-up call with God. I was pretty darn proud of myself. One problem: I was having horrible cravings...everyday. Everday, unexpectedly, it would sneak up on me and just claw at me. But I was doing it myself...I am strong enough to do it....I CAN DO THIS MYSELF! (Have I mentioned I'm an idiot?) So one day while talking to God, I gave it up. I asked Him to take it off me, release me. I asked for help, that I couldn't do it alone. Guess what? I haven't had a craving since. It's gone, vamose, see ya! Praise God! One more blessing among many.

And they keep coming. I've started going to church....by myself, no less. It's a contempory service and I'm still trying to get used to the music, but it's really growing on me. The message and spirit of the place is what got me. It's there. It's that simple. It's there. And after the second time I'd gone to service, I knew NHC was where I was supposed to be. Black Creek will always be my home....NHC is my 'home away from home' church.

I'm also taking part in our church's 40 Days of Prayer. For 40 days, someone at NHC will be praying, 24 hours a day. Each of us was asked to sign up for 15 minute interval. I waited a little too late and couldn't get my exact time but got 4:45 in the afternoon. Good time, except when I'm working day shift....if it's busy, I'm stuck. My boss is fully behind me and will let me leave for the 15 minutes if it's at all possible but we're short-handed and it's still busy down here.

So, I asked for help. I truly believe I got this time for a reason....so I would be forced to share this with certain people and ask for help. (Two things I could stand to work on.) Now, I could be wrong....happens all the time...but it's what I'm feeling. God's moving in my life, changing things. I told my mentor recently, I'm not a missionary, or a preacher....mine is a quiet faith, held close to my heart. (1 Thes 4:11-12) I don't pray out loud for that reason. It's between me and God. But I'm feeling......different. I keep hearing a whisper of 'Share' in my head.

So I'm starting small. I'm writing this blog and I wrote the letter to my family. And I'm asking for help. And it's amazing. So many people are coming out and doing just that....helping me. I've got all my dates covered so far and have just gotten loads of support.

My mentor was the first to take dates for me. She has been such a blessing to me lately. Listening to all my rambling e-mails and keeping me a little grounded (that's tough). She has truly been a gift to me. She even blessed me with a bible....The Message....which I am enjoying so much.

God's leading, so I'm following. He knows my strengths and my weaknesses. He got my attention and wanted me to listen, so I'm listening. He's letting me write my faith....express myself on the page...for now. He's teaching me forgiveness (a personal trial, learning to understand forgiveness). But I'm serious when I say He's teaching me forgiveness. I've never understood the concept, how it worked on a personal level, how to do it. He's showing me the way. How to love and not carry that deadness around with me. He's putting it in my heart, in my brain. I know for a fact it's not coming from me and unless the cat's whispering wisdom while I'm sleeping, it's God. So I'm open. I'm waiting. Let Him..... That's it, just 'Let Him.' Can it be that easy? Yep.

He's also starting to influence my writing (like you can't tell). Yesterday I sat down and wrote a prayer...wrote a prayer. How crazy is that? Well, considering that I woke up praying, I guess not too much.
Anyway, here's part of it:
I have been thirsty - You quenched me.
I have been hungry - You fed me.
I have been lonely - You were there with me.
I have sinned - You forgave me.
In the dark, Yours is the light that makes my soul sing.

I hope your day is truly blessed.
That His love is revealed to you.
That you will share it.
I have.
I love you.

Lovin' the life He's leading,
KDHCatt


p.s. One other cool thing...In April I attempted to write an e-mail/letter to all my contacts. It's something I do every so often. But I never sent it. I didn't like that it was negative and very down. I was unhappy and not liking what was coming up....a change in my life. In the process of writing the letter I put out a plea (unbeknowst to me) for a 'weatherman for your life'.....someone who could tell you when the weather's bad and to stay home. Plea/Prayer answered. Cool, huh?

What is praying?

From Dictionary.com:
prayer:
1. a reverent petition made to God
2. a fervent request; entreaty
3. an act of communion with God, such as in devotion, confession, praise or thanksgiving

Another meaning I found:
A prayer is a conversation with God; the intercourse of the soul with God. Not contemplation or meditation but direct address to Him.


My own thoughts:
A prayer should never be our last resort, but it usually is. It should be a daily conversation with our God. A way for us to stay connected to God...because He is always connected to us. We are the ones who wander.

A prayer is a soulful cry into the unknown. We beseech for ourselves and on the behalf of others. We pray for mercy, kindness, love and forgiveness. There is no situation or reason that can not be prayed about...happiness, sadness, tragedy and joy....all can be shared with God. And should be shared with God. He is in the details, the details of daily life.


My prayer:

I have been thirsty - You quenched me.

I have been hungry - You fed me.

I have been lonely - You were there with me.

I have sinned - You forgave me.

I pray,

In my moments of fear, hold me.

In my moments of doubt, protect me.

In my moments of shame, shield me.

In my moments of joy, sing with me.

In my moments of anger, soothe me.

In my moments of pain, comfort me.

Laugh with me, cry with me,

Always be with me.

When I am weak, be my strength.

When I am strong, be my conscience.

When I plan, be my guide.

When I fall, be my Rock.

Thank you for everything.

Thank you for all you give me.

Thank you for all I am.

In the dark,

Yours is the light

that makes my soul sing.

Amen.

Introduction

Everyone has sides: Front, back, left and right. Our funny side. Our serious side. A light and happy side. A dark and morose side. The side we show family and the side we show strangers. I have decided to have two sides of myself on two different blogs.

On 'Blonde', that's my funny, irreverant, sarcastic side. Also my very silly side.

This blog is for my thoughtful, searching for the answer (God) side. Where I can express faith and ideas.

Amazingly enough, the two are closer that you would think and overlap often....but for reasons all my own.....for now they're here and there.