Background

Except for brief, problematic times in my life, I have always considered myself a God believer and most of time, called and considered myself a Christian. I have a Christian background. Raised by a Southern Baptist mother (lapsed) and a former Quaker, Southern Baptist father. Church attendance was not a requirement in my childhood home. It wasn't something that we elt all that strongly about. Mom was in the choir for awhile, then stopped. I was in the youth choir and even got baptized.

But all my life, I've searched for answers, only to find more questions. I've even felt God's influence and rejoiced in it. I've felt Him nudge me in one direction or another. But these moments are easily passed and forgotten soon after.

They are, until He decides it's time. Time to give KDHCatt a full taste of God's love and grace. I'm not talking about a fleeting feeling.....a breath of His presence....I'm talking a full on body slam of PRESENCE. You get me? Do you smell what The Rock is cooking? (sorry for the very bad wrestling quote) Just know that He filled my cup slam up!

I love knowledge and investigating ideas. I'm open-minded and reject single-mindedness. I respect the ideas and truths of everyone. We come to love and grace in different ways. This is what had me hung up....stopped in my tracks.....digging my heals in.....un-Christianity in Christianity. He made me look past this, find the truth behind all of that. He used the knowledge I've always craved and searched for and already had in me. He waited for my understanding to catch up with Him. I had to be quiet (tough in a family of talkers) and listen.

You see, I had been going through issues at work...things that were slowly wearing me down...wearing at my spirit...making me finally ask questions. The right questions. Questions about how as Christians, we could act so un-Christian to each other. He answered. This happened at the beginning of June and I've been basking ever since. Asking questions, learning His Word, learning to pray, being lead by Him.

Now, have no doubt, I'm still as terrible a child as ever. But the difference is I can take my problems and questions and doubts and all of it, to Him. He waited for me. Waited for this time in my life; of that, I have no doubt. I needed to be here...now...and ready for Him.....a child of God

I have no idea what His purpose is for me. I'm simply following His lead...listening for His whisper:
1 Kings 19:12
After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.
Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God.....

Over and over, I'm reading the instructions for me...how to know Him and follow Him....seeing patterns. Be still...listen. It's pretty cool. It's pretty awesome, actually. Plus, He's put me with a shift at work of believers...not 'hit you over the head with it' believers, but good people I can ask questions of. It's nothing to see one of us with the Bible or at least a spiritual book out and reading. When I had a problem understanding parts of the Prodigal Son (which is very personal for me....), all it took was talking to them to see the answer was in me all the time. I just had to shut up and listen. Stop the storm of questions in my head long enough to hear the whisper.

I've quit smoking...four months and counting. I decided I wanted to quit, I went to the doctor got a medication to help (it doesn't take away cravings or anything, just makes me easier to live with) and then set a date. I went cold turkey. I was doing great. No slip ups, nothing. This was all before my little wake-up call with God. I was pretty darn proud of myself. One problem: I was having horrible cravings...everyday. Everday, unexpectedly, it would sneak up on me and just claw at me. But I was doing it myself...I am strong enough to do it....I CAN DO THIS MYSELF! (Have I mentioned I'm an idiot?) So one day while talking to God, I gave it up. I asked Him to take it off me, release me. I asked for help, that I couldn't do it alone. Guess what? I haven't had a craving since. It's gone, vamose, see ya! Praise God! One more blessing among many.

And they keep coming. I've started going to church....by myself, no less. It's a contempory service and I'm still trying to get used to the music, but it's really growing on me. The message and spirit of the place is what got me. It's there. It's that simple. It's there. And after the second time I'd gone to service, I knew NHC was where I was supposed to be. Black Creek will always be my home....NHC is my 'home away from home' church.

I'm also taking part in our church's 40 Days of Prayer. For 40 days, someone at NHC will be praying, 24 hours a day. Each of us was asked to sign up for 15 minute interval. I waited a little too late and couldn't get my exact time but got 4:45 in the afternoon. Good time, except when I'm working day shift....if it's busy, I'm stuck. My boss is fully behind me and will let me leave for the 15 minutes if it's at all possible but we're short-handed and it's still busy down here.

So, I asked for help. I truly believe I got this time for a reason....so I would be forced to share this with certain people and ask for help. (Two things I could stand to work on.) Now, I could be wrong....happens all the time...but it's what I'm feeling. God's moving in my life, changing things. I told my mentor recently, I'm not a missionary, or a preacher....mine is a quiet faith, held close to my heart. (1 Thes 4:11-12) I don't pray out loud for that reason. It's between me and God. But I'm feeling......different. I keep hearing a whisper of 'Share' in my head.

So I'm starting small. I'm writing this blog and I wrote the letter to my family. And I'm asking for help. And it's amazing. So many people are coming out and doing just that....helping me. I've got all my dates covered so far and have just gotten loads of support.

My mentor was the first to take dates for me. She has been such a blessing to me lately. Listening to all my rambling e-mails and keeping me a little grounded (that's tough). She has truly been a gift to me. She even blessed me with a bible....The Message....which I am enjoying so much.

God's leading, so I'm following. He knows my strengths and my weaknesses. He got my attention and wanted me to listen, so I'm listening. He's letting me write my faith....express myself on the page...for now. He's teaching me forgiveness (a personal trial, learning to understand forgiveness). But I'm serious when I say He's teaching me forgiveness. I've never understood the concept, how it worked on a personal level, how to do it. He's showing me the way. How to love and not carry that deadness around with me. He's putting it in my heart, in my brain. I know for a fact it's not coming from me and unless the cat's whispering wisdom while I'm sleeping, it's God. So I'm open. I'm waiting. Let Him..... That's it, just 'Let Him.' Can it be that easy? Yep.

He's also starting to influence my writing (like you can't tell). Yesterday I sat down and wrote a prayer...wrote a prayer. How crazy is that? Well, considering that I woke up praying, I guess not too much.
Anyway, here's part of it:
I have been thirsty - You quenched me.
I have been hungry - You fed me.
I have been lonely - You were there with me.
I have sinned - You forgave me.
In the dark, Yours is the light that makes my soul sing.

I hope your day is truly blessed.
That His love is revealed to you.
That you will share it.
I have.
I love you.

Lovin' the life He's leading,
KDHCatt


p.s. One other cool thing...In April I attempted to write an e-mail/letter to all my contacts. It's something I do every so often. But I never sent it. I didn't like that it was negative and very down. I was unhappy and not liking what was coming up....a change in my life. In the process of writing the letter I put out a plea (unbeknowst to me) for a 'weatherman for your life'.....someone who could tell you when the weather's bad and to stay home. Plea/Prayer answered. Cool, huh?